2015, lütfen güzel ol

за правильность не ручаюсь -
мой турецкий всё ещё отвратителен,
серьёзно, но я работаю над этим.

i'm late to the party-- again, but what else is new, right?
я уже подвела итоги 2014 тут и все мои планы на 2015 изложены тут, по сути, но все же.

желаю себе писать больше, чаще и интересней. последнее - главное.
желаю себе заняться, наконец, турецким.
желаю себе поставить в этом блоге нормальный дизайн.
желаю себе выполнить то единственное задание на год, которое я себе дала.
желаю себе купить тот tinted moisturizer от clinique, который стоит целое состояние, но должен быть прекрасным.
желаю себе тогда уж купить бордовые тени и тёмно-вишнёвую помаду - чтобы забыть, что скоро мне 21.
желаю себе вытаскивать фотоаппарат почаще.
желаю себе выходить из дома почаще (not gonna happen).
желаю себе не тянуть до дедлайнов.
желаю себе не набирать столько дедлайнов.
желаю себе думать о себе немного поменьше.
желаю себе читать любимых авторов и ту классику, которую читать так не хочется, но так надо.
желаю себе спокойствия.
желаю себе свободы.
желаю себе найти работу, пусть даже хреновую - я люблю работать на износ, доказано, факт.
желаю себе собаку.
желаю себе отрастить волосы. не отрезать, Лиза, отрастить.
желаю себе набить, наконец, ту татуировку, что надо было набить ещё семь лет назад - семь лет назад сегодня, когда я купила My December и изменила свою жизнь.
желаю себе выбраться из этого города - я из него уже, кажется, выросла. он слишком как старый свитер - любимый, но душит.

goodbye autumn

Сайт осени: drive.google.com бикоз оф ризонс
Знакомство осени: =/
Программа осени: ну я смотрела кучу видео на канале SORTEDfood, это считается?
Фильм осени: Судья
Блюдо осени: 'вон тот сыр вроде ещё норм и кетчуп и оо колбаса и огурец и помидор и получился бутерброд'
Напиток осени: водица!
Ощущение осени: первая половина - глухой депрессняк, вторая - е*ать дедлайны
Язык осени: английский - с турецким у нас отношения до сих пор напряженные
Книга осени: The Lunar Chronicles
Экстрим осени: ну я пропустила два с половиной месяца лингвистики и за те же два с половиной месяца не сдала ни одной письменной работы по английскому
Интерес осени: писанина
Мечта осени: выспаться
Несбывшаяся мечта осени: выспаться
Город осени: словно у меня тут много вариантов
Место осени: кроватка
Открытие осени: букдепозиторий OTL
Исполнитель осени: Тэйлор Свифт и Epik High
Песня осени: 미친거 아니야? и 또 싸워
Лучшая поездка осени: Московия
Традиция осени: всё проёбывать
Настроение осени: днищенское
Разочарование осени: некоторые люди
Вещь осени: черные ботинки h&m
Учитель осени: как всегда В.А.
Вопрос осени: что такое
Погода осени: могла быть и получше
Цвет осени: черный
Время суток осени: ночь
Одежда осени: платьишки (аж дважды, но i tried)
Подарок осени: =/
Кафе осени: Лидо?..
Фраза осени: уг дерьмо и огнище и котеки и гори в аду
Любовь осени: чонтэгун

hello

been out and about lately.
writing. reading. failing pretty much all my classes. reading more. wishing there is at least 36 hours in a day. got a bit obsessed with clothes and shoes. stopped buying books in Russian because their covers are horrendous. my legs are getting skinnier, the rest of me - not so much. growing my hair out. sometimes i look at myself and want to get a pixie cut, but then think how many years it took me to get where i am now.
where i am now.
i don't know.
hello, autumn.
i am lost.

just fall

Just found this little thing I made over three years ago (based on A Fine Frenzy's blog post), and realized it's very relevant still.

i'll never know unless i try

Some things are simply impossible to do. For example, I won’t be able to draw or sing to save my life. It’s just how I work and I cannot do anything about it.

But there are things that can, and should be done, but they’re just so hard you want to give up before you even start.

For me one of those things is saying ‘you’ (he, she, it—whatever) instead of ‘I’. For example, the other day one of my groupmates brought a book with her to read during breaks. Being the curious cat I am, I, of course, had to ask her what book it was because I couldn’t see the cover.

After she showed it to me I immediately replied, ‘Oh, I have a copy of this one, too!’

And that was the end of the conversation. Why couldn’t I just say something like ‘Oh, it’s a really good book, how do you like it?’ No, I had to show that I’m somewhat better, that I got this book before she did. What for? The only answer I can come up with is to show off. Well done.

Even this post, I could start it with something like 'humans can't fly', but the first thing I thought of was reeeeeeally egocentric. I guess that's just how I work—I need to do something about it, though.

In other news, went to watch The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and I loved it A LOT! The ending was pretty sad though - I just didn't see it coming because I've never read the comic. So when I got out of the movie theater I put my iPod library on shuffle (that's over 1.7k songs total) in hope it plays me something positive and uptempo and fun, you know? And then All Time Low's Remembering Sunday starts. I was not expecting that! The song is one of my all time favorites, yes, but it's also so extremely sad and heartbreaking and actually fits the ending of the movie so well..

Okay, that was random.

Anyways, here's an amazing song by an amazing singer whom I found this month, she's incredible and I'm kind of obsessed. Yup.

too much information!~

I have zero regrets. It's not like anyone's gonna read it anyways, uh-huh.

It's for YouTube, obviously, but who cares? I definitely don't.

So this is how it goes - and yes, there's a me looking at you

1: What are you wearing?
PJs for this is no youtube :D
2: Ever been in love? 

Yup, and it was not pretty at all.
3: Ever had a terrible breakup?

No. I try to avoid any conflicts and I'm pretty good at it.
4: How tall are you?

176cm / 5' 9"  

5: How much do you weigh? 

Totally not saying :p
6: Any tattoos?

Nope
7: Any piercings? 

One in my left ear
8: OTP? One true pairing?

10th Doctor/Rose ♥
9: Favourite show? 

Doctor Who
10: Favourite bands? 

The All-American Rejects, Super Junior
11: Something you miss?

My childhood, as cliché as it sounds
12: Favourite song?

Kelly Clarkson's Sober, All Time Low's Remembering Sunday, Super Junior's Andante
13: How old are you?

19
14: Zodiac sign? 

Gemini
15: Quality you look for in a partner? 

M.. nice visuals because i'm a horrible person, and intelligence. And lotsa shared interests, otherwise we'll have nothing to talk about and that just won't do.
16: Favourite Quote? 

'Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers' from Kelly Clarkson's Sober. But, honestly, just anything from Richard Siken's Crush
17: Favourite actor? 

I looooooove Emma Stone and Keira Knightley
18: Favourite colour? 

Grey, because i'm boring, and mint, because i'm a guuurly gurl
19: Loud music or soft? 

Depends, but usually both.
20: Where do you go when you're sad? 

Home!
21: How long does it take you to shower? 

An hour :D
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

Sometimes it takes up to like an hour and a half, but I can actually get ready in mere minutes
23: Ever been in a physical fight? 

Yes! I'm a fighter, not a conversationalist. Used to be, at least. Nice girls don't fight when they're almost 20, but i totally fought my way through my school years.
24: Turn on?

Freckles, black hair, deep low voices
25: Turn off? 

Bodybuilder bodies, lack of brains
26: The reason you joined Youtube? 

Oh well, I didn't :D
27: Fears? 

Deep waters and losing my loved ones
28: Last thing that made you cry? 

The final scene of 3x23 of Teen Wolf. Cried my eyes out =/

29: Last time you said you loved someone? 

... Never?
30: Meaning behind your nickname? 

Arrogant in arrogantbee comes from All Time Low's Therapy, and Bee is short for Bess which is short for Elisabeth which is my name. Also arrogant bees totally sting, and I sting, too :D
31: Last book you read? 

The Great Gatsby
32: The book you're currently reading?

So I may or may not be reading about a dozen at a time?.. I'd go with The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, The Fault in Our Stars and some of Joseph Brodsky's poems.
33: Last show you watched? 

Teen Wolf (season finale is in three days, I'm SO not ready)
34: Last person you talked to? 

My mom
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? 

A close friend of mine
36: Favourite food? 

Pizza and pies
37: Place you want to visit?

Brighton, UK; Istanbul, Turkey; Seoul, South Korea.
38: Last place you were? 

Mall
39: Do you have a crush?

Nope
40: Last time you kissed someone? 

Ugh.. That was sooooo long ago It's kinda sad :D
41: Last time you were insulted? 

My whole life is an insult, ugh. But actually - I don't remember? I try not to pay attention to such things
42: Favourite flavour of sweet? 

Choco~~
43: What instruments do you play?

I don't play anything :c
44: Favourite piece of jewellery?

I love bracelets, the charm ones especially *.*
45: Last sport you played? 

Ugh the last time I did anything even slightly athletic was probably even before the last time I kissed XD
46: Last song you sang? 

Girls' Generation's Gee~~
47: Favourite chat-up or pick-up line? 

Can't even think of anything right now, tbh
48: Have you ever used it?

I.. guess so?
49: Last time you hung out with anyone? 

Went to the sinema with a friend a coupla weeks ago. I'm more of a loner when it comes to shopping or simply going anywhere.
50: Who should answer these questions next?

Anyone who wants to, It's actually fun~

i can still make explosions

Когда начался этот год, я пообещала себе, что буду больше писать. Я провалилась уже к середине января, но, по крайней мере, я пыталась. Фанфикшен, какой бы он ни был, ограничивает во множестве смыслов.

Желание завести блог появилось примерно тогда же. У меня много мыслей, ещё больше - мнений обо всём, чаще неправильных и не тех, которые должны быть, но в этом же и веселье.

И вот он здесь, и я совершенно без понятия, что мне писать.

Whatever.

В любом случае, вот песня, которая не отпускает меня уже несколько недель, и вряд ли отпустит в скором времени.

i need to know I can still make
explosions... on the day you wake up
needing somebody and you've learned
it's okay to be afraid
but it will never be the same